Sacrilege in olde Smithy!


Jon Mills? Let loose in a 250 year old Smithy? Helping residents make what? A Legend of Zelda door knocker? Who?


What? See the movie here?  ?

I don’t think so, thank you very much.

An Elephant boot scraper….


and a Good luck door knocker???


Well… you wont get much good luck if you come knocking on MY door Mr Mills….

Watt’s on his mind?


Well I just happened to tell that Mr.Mills about my “Lost Factories” dream, and he has the temerity to try and turn it into a reality. He does a chalk drawing of MY head on the floor and fills it with all of the things that were in MY dream:head drawing with bitsHe then (rather crudely I must say), bends bits of steel rod into the shape of my head, before shaping (very crudely) and welding (very crudely) steel sheets on to it. Idiot. I wish I had as much spare time to idly waste.

former  shaped outline1

It’s at this point I start to worry. He makes my glasses and I can begin to see what he’s getting at:

glasses on A ridiculous moustache,moustache onis followed by what he imagines is nose hair. I have no idea where THAT inspiration came from:

nose hair in

THEN, he puts a fairy in my hair. What is this man on?

fairy3 This is swiftly followed by scarecrows and factories, water rats and shipyards, rockets and trains… the list goes on. I should never have told him about it.rat etclots

And as if sticking the whole lot onto a set of wheels wasn’t rubbing enough salt into the wounds,


he puts a crab about to go down my collar:


Well you can kindly just skedaddle Mr.Mills – I shan’t be telling YOU any more of my dreams.

Coming soon(er or later), the new bustblocker:

book promo-shads

Outreach outrage…


Here’s a picture of me having an argument with Mrs Witch, whilst those pesky kids from Mile Oak school up the road write lots of stories about things going wrong for me. Mrs Witch tells me it’s good for their education but I think it’s a downright liberty.


Meanwhile, that annoying little fairy and smelly water rat appear to be finding it all a bit of a giggle:


That thorn in my backside Jon Mills, sowed the seeds of disrespect in the first place –


IMG_1945IMG_1921 IMG_1929 IMG_1932 IMG_1936

…and now I’m left having to pick up the pieces.

Still, I’m getting on very well with the Iron Man and his banana straightening machine – we have spent many evenings discussing the benefits of hydraulics over hammers, and as for that Wizard and Rabbit double act – it gets me every time….

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Thanks to Kristin McClement for the photos!